A Love to Live For Read online

  I was starting to feel guilty for being lavished with so much affection, making me wonder if I had made the right decision, but at the same time, I could not deny that I felt quite happy, too.

  “And now, how about we arrange a date? Our first date.”

  “S-sure.”

  “Do you have anywhere particular in mind?”

  “Not really,” I said. “I’ve never thought about it.”

  “Then how about you just come over to my house tomorrow night and I’ll cook dinner for you?” he suggested.

  “You can cook?”

  “Of course,” he said. “I happen to be a good cook, too. It’s just one of my many talents.”

  I chuckled. “Alright, then.”

  “Do I need to ask your Dad for permission or something?”

  “No, I don’t think that’s necessary,” I said. “I’ll tell him about it.”

  Telling my Dad I was going out with a guy, though, appeared to be harder than I thought. I waited until after my Dad’s afternoon nap, just so I could have time to gather my courage, sort out my thoughts and prepare a script inside my mind, and also because my Dad was in his best mood just after he had his nap. In spite of that, though, I still felt a lump in my throat as I approached my Dad in the backyard, sitting in his favorite chair and drinking a glass of lemonade as he looked at the garden which my older sister now tended and where I supposed she still envisioned my mother, kneeling over the plots and watering the plants while singing her favorite church hymns.

  For a moment, I felt like I was five again, struggling to tell my Dad that I had broken his favorite coffee cup. This time, though, I had something more important to tell him, maybe not as upsetting but I was afraid just the same.

  Still, I knew I could not run away from this task, though and I had to do it now, before the whole town learned that I was going out with Joseph, which could only take hours in a town as small and tightly knit as ours, and my Dad found about it from someone else, which was likely.

  Swallowing, I opened the door to the backyard. Hearing the door creak, my Dad turned his head and smiled at me.

  “How’s your work going?” he asked.

  “Good,” I answered as I took the empty chair beside him. That wasn’t a lie exactly since I only had three more illustrations to go, as well as the cover.

  “Lemonade?” He offered me the pitcher.

  I shook my head. “I’m alright.”

  He frowned. “It seems to me like you’re about to tell me something serious,” he said, letting me know that in spite of his increasing memory lapses, he could still be perceptive. “Well, don’t keep me in suspense.”

  I took a deep breath. “Dad, I…I’m going out with someone.”

  He stopped in the middle of drinking his lemonade, which was enough to let me know he was surprised by my bit of news, if not shocked.

  He set his glass down on the table slowly, and for a moment, said nothing, his silence reminding me of the silence from the jury before they gave their verdict. Then, all of a sudden, he smiled.

  “Well, it’s about time, isn’t it?”

  I couldn’t describe my relief at hearing those words. “You mean you’re not upset?”

  “Why would I be?” he asked. “It’s not wrong to go out with another guy, after all. In fact, it’s perfectly natural for a beautiful woman your age.”

  I just smiled.

  “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

  I took another deep breath. “Joseph.”

  At once, the gleam in his eyes faded. “Does he know you know the truth about him? About his condition?”

  I nodded. “He’s not mad that you told me.”

  “And he still asked you to go out with him?”

  I nodded again.

  “And you accepted in spite of knowing it?”

  I gave another nod.

  He sighed. “Well, I would certainly feel better if it was someone else. No, that’s not right. I actually like Joseph and I think he’s a good man, but it would’ve been better if…if…”

  “If he wasn’t dying?” I supplied him with the words.

  He looked into my eyes. “Do you love him?”

  “I don’t know that yet, Dad,” I answered truthfully. “I don’t even know how much I like him but I agreed to go out with him to find out.”

  “And if you do find out and then you lose him, will you be strong enough to overcome that loss?”

  I shrugged. “I guess I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”

  “I see,” he said. “Well, everything happens for good reason. I will pray for you and Joseph and hope that both of you can find happiness and fill each other with strength.”

  I placed my hand over my father’s. “Thank you, Dad.”

  I gave him a kiss on the forehead then went back inside the house.

  Inside the kitchen, Abigail gave me a smirk. “So you and Joseph are together now, huh?”

  I frowned at her. “As usual, your talent for eavesdropping astounds me, but please, can’t you do me a favor and leave me alone just this once?”

  She shrugged, her palms outstretched. “All I did was ask a question.”

  I ignored her, going up the stairs.

  “Do you want me to give you some tips?” she called out after me but again, I ignored her, heading to my room and closing the door firmly behind me.

  I knew that Abigail had already had four boyfriends – she had impressed the fact on me often enough – but I wasn’t about to take advice from her. Nope. I had everything under control. Already, I was looking forward to my first date with Joseph and I had a feeling it was going to be great.

  No. It’s going to be a disaster, I thought after trying on a fifth pair of clothes. Already, it was five fifteen, forty five minutes before I was supposed to go to Joseph’s house – I insisted that I could go there myself – and I didn’t know what to wear.

  For the first time in my life, I wished I was one of those women with an excellent fashion sense. Mine was poor, after all, which was ironic, really, since I was so good at drawing beautiful people in beautiful clothes.

  Finally, after trying on two more dresses, two more pairs of pants and three blouses, I decided to wear a pair of gray leggings and a pale yellow over blouse which had a thin sash around the waist. That decision made, I then tied my hair into a low bun, making sure to fasten it securely while curling the tendrils that I couldn’t secure so that they formed wisps at the sides of my face, checked to make sure I had just enough make-up on, but not too much, and then grabbed my purse and went downstairs, going out the front door as soon as I had slipped into my silver ballerina flats.

  Driving my car, since riding a bike wasn’t suitable for going to a date, after all, I reached Joseph’s house in less than ten minutes and managed to make it in time for our date. In fact, I was a few minutes early.

  “You’re early,” he said, repeating just that fact as he came to greet me with a smile.

  “I guess I am a little,” I told him, smiling as well. “Is that a problem?”

  “No, of course not,” he said. “Come in.”

  He ushered me inside the house, towards the living room where his sister was going through her purse.

  “Hi Rebecca.” She stopped to look up at me. “I wish I could greet you properly but I’m afraid I’m quite in a rush.”

  “She’s got a date, too,” Joseph explained.

  “Well, it’s not like it’s the first time seeing you anyway,” Bridget said. “But is this your first time here at our house?”

  “The third, I believe,” I answered, remembering that I had visited once during elementary school and again during high school.

  “Oh,” she said. “At any rate, please make yourself at home.” She grabbed her purse and gave me a hug. Then, she went to give Joseph a hug. “And you, young man, I trust you’ll give Rebecca a good time.”

  “Of course,” Joseph said. “You have fun, too.”

  “Alright.” She hastily wa
ved at me. “Bye.”

  I waved back at her. “Bye.”

  As soon as she had walked out the front door, Joseph turned to me. “Well, you heard what she said. Make yourself at home. I should have dinner ready in ten minutes. In the meantime, you can watch TV or…”

  “I’ll be fine,” I assured him. “Don’t worry about me. And please, don’t worry too much about dinner. I’m sure it’ll be perfect.”

  “You just put more pressure on me,” he said, laughing. Then, before I could retort, he added, “Just sit tight. I’ll let you know when dinner is served.”

  I nodded, then watched him disappear to the kitchen. Once he had gone, I sat on the couch and looked around, thinking that the living room had not changed much from when I had last seen it.

  Even the lone picture on the mantel was still the same – the picture of Joseph with his sister, his Mom and his Dad back when his parents were still married – which made me think he probably wished they had stayed together.

  After a while, I turned on the TV and surfed through the channels, looking for something to watch to pass the time. I couldn’t really find a show I like, though, and so I just kept changing the channel every minute or so, up until Joseph finally told me that it was time for dinner.

  The moment I saw what he had cooked, I could not help but gasp in awe. He had prepared buffalo wings, garlic buffalo wings judging by the smell, as well as Caesar salad, mashed potatoes and some spicy shrimps. All in all, it smelled and looked delicious that I suddenly felt my stomach rumble, though I certainly hoped Joseph had not heard it.

  “This is quite a feast,” I said as I sat down. “It looks even better than what they serve in the restaurants.”

  “Told you I could cook,” he said as he sat beside me. “But I suppose you should have a taste before you agree.”

  “Then I suppose I will,” I said.

  We ate mostly in silence, half because it seemed we were both hungry and half because we were both probably still shy around each other, though once in a while, we’d talk, reminiscing about school and talking about our common friends.

  “So?” he asked me when dinner was over.

  “It was one of the best meals I ever had,” I said truthfully.

  He smiled, seemingly convinced. “Well, I’m glad you liked it.”

  “Where did you learn to cook?” I asked curiously.

  “From my sister,” he said. “And also while I was working at that restaurant in Middleton.”

  “Oh right,” I said, remembering that he had worked in the next town for two years while I was in college. “Why did you quit again?”

  “Many reasons,” he said. “Too far away, too stressful. The pay was decent but not really that good.”

  “Well, at least you learned how to cook.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed.

  He stood up to get a bottle of wine and two wine glasses, then opened it and poured some for both of us.

  “Are you sure it’s alright for you to be drinking?” I asked him without thinking. As soon as I had spoken the question, I wished I hadn’t, realizing that I had just reminded him of his condition, which he probably didn’t want to talk about.

  “It’s alright,” he said, grinning, much to my relief. “Actually, ever since I placed myself in God’s hands and resigned myself to my fate, I’ve been feeling better. I don’t get the bad headaches anymore.”

  I stopped, not sure I was comfortable with the word ‘resigned’. “So you’ve given up?”

  “I’ve accepted my fate,” he corrected. “What will be will be.”

  “Wait, so you’re not getting treatment or anything?”

  He shook his head. “I had surgery to have the tumor removed but the cancer is still there. I thought about trying different treatments at first, but then I decided not to. We can’t really afford them, after all and besides, they will just make things harder.”

  I wanted to tell him that the treatments could make him better but I felt that he didn’t want to talk about the topic any longer and so I decided to drop it. I was still shocked, though. There was, after all, a difference between drowning because you didn’t know how to swim and drowning because you knew how to swim but decided to just let the tide sweep you away because it was so much stronger.

  Eventually, I forget about my shock as we discussed other topics, like his previous girlfriends – I learned he had two, though he did not really want to talk about them and only did because I was insistent, our families, my work, his job at the restaurant and the computer lessons he was taking online and even our favorite books and movies. We reminisced some more, as well, especially our memories of first grade when we had played the most fun games and done the silliest things.

  By the time I looked at my watch, it was already ten thirty and thinking that my Dad would get upset if I wasn’t home before midnight and knowing that I wasn’t used to staying up late, either – I liked my sleep way too much, after all – and that Joseph probably needed his sleep, too, even if he wouldn’t admit it, I took my leave.

  Joseph walked me to my car and even gave me a kiss on the cheek before letting me slip into the driver’s seat. Then, he waved at me as I drove off.

  Once at home, I drank a glass of water then went up to my bedroom, doing so quietly so as not to wake anyone up, though the faint light from beneath the door to my father’s bedroom told me he was still awake.

  Even so, I went straight to my bedroom and after throwing my purse on top of my dresser; I fell on top of my bed with a soft plop and sighed as I stared at the ceiling.

  As I replayed what had just happened that evening, which I had truly enjoyed with Joseph, I found myself smiling, feeling a bit giddy, both from the memory of Joseph’s company and the wine, though again, my frown as well as my shock, returned when I remembered what he had said about not getting treatment.

  Surely, refusing to live when you still had a chance to, a means to do so, was just wrong. It seemed almost like taking your own life, in fact.

  I shook my head a few times.

  No, I wasn’t going to let Joseph throw his life away. I wanted him to live, for his sake and for mine. After all, I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to endure losing him after falling in love with him…wait, did I just say that? I meant, IF I fall in love with him. I wasn’t even sure if I was strong enough to endure losing him the way things were now.

  No, I thought.

  Joseph had to live. He owed himself and the people around him as much.

  And I was going to convince him of it.

  Chapter Four

  How exactly do you convince someone to change his mind?

  When I woke up the next morning, I realized I had no clue. People had always called me a persistent person, yes, but a persuasive person – I couldn’t remember ever being described as one before.

  In fact, I couldn’t remember when was the last time I had succeeded in changing someone’s mind. Still, I wasn’t about to give up – I was persistent, after all – and so after breakfast, I sat at my desk and turned to my trusty wellspring of information – Google.

  After going through several articles, I managed to come up with a process on how to convince Joseph, which had four steps.

  1. Do my research and gather all the information I can about the idea I’m proposing (i.e. brain tumor treatment)

  2. Talk to Joseph, ask him why he doesn’t want to undergo treatment and acknowledge his concerns

  3. Present my suggestion and tell him its benefits, make him understand how undergoing treatment can help him

  Satisfied, I set to work, beginning with the first step, again turning to Google to fill me in on all the important data about brain tumors and brain tumor treatments. As I scoured through all the information, I found myself wishing for the first time in my life that I were a doctor – or maybe it was the second time since I had a toy medical kit when I was a little girl. Understanding medical terms was difficult, after all, for someone who had limited medical knowledge a
nd in some cases, I had to go through a paragraph a few times over just to understand it.

  When I had gathered all my information, or at least enough to form a convincing argument, I left the house, heading for the Bundles of Blossoms flower shop on my bike. Joseph wasn’t there, though. Rather, his sister was the one working.

  “Oh, hello, Rebecca,” Bridget greeted me with a smile. “Looking for Joseph?”

  I blushed but nodded. “I wanted to talk to him.”

  “He’s at home.”

  I was suddenly filled with alarm. “Is he feeling well?”

  Bridget smiled at my concern. “Oh, he’s alright. It’s just that he takes his computer lessons on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Didn’t he tell you?”

  I shook my head, suddenly feeling like an idiot.

  “Oh, don’t worry about it,” Bridget placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, not missing my reaction. “The two of you have only started going out, after all. Even if you have known each other for a long time, it will still take some time to get to know each other really well.”

  I nodded. “I guess I’m still trying to find my way around since I’ve never been in this situation before.”

  “Oh, it’s okay.” Bridget squeezed my shoulder.

  I forced a smile.

  “By the way, since it’s just the two of us here, can I ask you something?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Why did you agree to go out with Joseph? And I don’t mean to scare you or anything. I just…I’m just curious, I guess.”

  “Are you worried that I agreed just out of pity because I know about his condition?” I answered her question with a question of my own.

  Her expression told me I was right. “I want him to be happy,” she said softly. “To have no regrets. But at the same time, I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to…”

  “I don’t feel obligated,” I interrupted her. “To answer your question, I agreed because I couldn’t really find a reason to say no. I mean, I don’t really have anything against Joseph.”